In Between
by timelordsdaleksandsherlockohmy
Summary: The Host by Stephenie Meyers - A sort of collection of one shots in between Wanda's departure and second arrival...
1. Waking Up

_I bow to Stephenie Meyers (and J.K. Rowling)! I do not own The Host, right to it, etc, etc. This is a short one-shot on Melanie's awakening. Let me know what you think. I do appreciate a good, grateful review._

_Where am I? What am I? Who am I?_ These questions shot through my head like bullets, as the blackness came into view. It was not the black that had been absent before. It had been my consciousness. I could not seem to hear or smell or taste or feel...I could only see the dark. A noise pierced the silence. A sob? What was that? It wasn't good, but what _was_ good? What was anything? Upon hearing one more of these anguished sobs, I started to remember. And soon the memories were coming back so quickly, I couldn't contain them at all. The pressure was overwhelming, and I jerked a limb involuntarily. My arm hit something solid, cutting the noise off completely. I stopped breathing. My arm... My... Mine... A rush of confusing emotions overtook me... An overwhelming desire to run on my own two legs, to shout whatever I wanted at the top of my lungs until I no longer could, to blink, to spit, to do anything just because I could...

A voice, more familiar than any other sound in the world, pierced this new pressure-filled silence. "Mel?" His voice broke on that one syllable. I felt the heat of his hand on my own, and a smile broke from my lips. This was the first time I had been able to smile for myself in over a year. He gasped, and I finally took it upon myself to open my eyes. I opened them slowly, expecting Doc's bright ceiling to blind me, but there was darkness except for a blue tinge from where the desk must have been. But I didn't care about any of this. I searched frantically for him with my eyes until I found him. He was bent over my side, clutching one hand to his nose where my hand must have hit him, the other grasping my arm. I could dimly tell that his eyes were rimmed with red. "Mel!" He exclaimed this time, a true smile lighting his face for the first time in a long time.

I was no longer in control of my limbs this time. They took over for themselves, for suddenly, I was flying off the side of the cot and into Jared's lap. What was that noise? Oh, that was me. But...was I crying? Was I laughing? It didn't matter because it was the same strange noise Jared was making as we kissed each other anywhere we could. Our hands roamed all over each other, touching everywhere to make sure this was true, that this was real. My lips finally found his, and as I pressed against him as hard as I could, I could taste our mingling, salty tears.

"Jared, Jared, Jared," someone was saying, as if from a distance. The tone was one of pain, desire, pleasure, fear, happiness. Who would address him this way? And I suddenly realized that I'd been doing this too without realizing it.

"Oh, Mel," he kept whispering back as our lips parted and met, parted and met. The kisses were everything we'd been missing since our last good-bye. They were gentle and rough and loving and soft. They set the fire that spread within seconds throughout my entire body by way of my veins. My lips found the hot point on Jared's neck where I used to lay my head to feel his heart pulsing, and I kissed him there.

"I love you." This became my new mantra as my lips slowly became bruised with making sure this was not a dream this time. He grasped my chin, angling my face up, so he could press his 

lips once again to mine. "I love you so much," he repeated to me. We were clutched so tightly together, there wasn't much closer we could be. There was only one thing left to do, but the place was hardly appropriate. It took a few minutes before we could be satisfied with simply our arms around each other, though they were twined so hard I thought I might break. The pain was worth it because it was nowhere near as bad as the pain I felt on being separated from him.

"Melanie!" A new voice broke through my skin, piercing me with a fresh, raw pain and pleasure that tore me away from Jared to see my baby tumbling through the door.

"Jamie!" My voice was cracked and dry, as I tried to keep myself from crying. It wasn't long before I had slipped off Jared and was receiving Jamie into my arms. He came at me so strongly, that he pushed me back onto Jared, so we were both sitting in his lap. "Oh, my Jamie," I gasped, as I clutched him to me tightly and kissed his forehead and his tightly closed eyes and his nose over and over again. A dry sob racked my body as I clutched him to me. I had felt it before when... When Wanda would hold him... But it wasn't nearly the same... I clutched him to me the way I imagined a mother would clutch their newborn child to protect it from danger. I felt his tears as they began to soak through my blouse, but it didn't matter, for my tears seemed to be doing the same to his. And then we were all embracing and speaking all at once. The love was overwhelmingly heart-breaking as I clutched them both to me. I would rather die a million painful deaths than feel the pain of that separation from them again.

After another few minutes, Jared was holding both Jamie and I tightly in his arms, I on his lap, Jamie on mine. There was so much to say, but I felt I only had the energy to be there. Besides, I didn't think there were words that could convey how happy I felt. So I let myself be captivated in the moment, let myself feel things I knew I could only ever feel once. At the sound of the loud footsteps jogging down the hallway, I tore my moist face from Jared's to see who it was.

A face as familiar to me now as the two pressing against me appeared in the doorway, and the smile felt shatteringly quickly from my face. Ian stared in horror in our direction. His eyes told me he was willing himself not to believe what he already knew to be true.

His voice broke painfully as he spoke. "Wanda?"

_So, I didn't edit this probably half as much as I should have, but I'm in a rush to leave, so review, please. Let me know what you think , where I went wrong, or what is absolutely perfect, you just can't stand it!_


	2. Alone Again

It was the cold that finally woke him. He found this strange because he couldn't really remember what it was like to be really, truly cold. Not since he'd come here at least. His eyes opened slowly as he tried to comprehend what was wrong. Feeling the usual warm air on his arm, he couldn't think why he might feel cold. The realization came to him like a speeding train hitting a wall of steel. He was alone. And he wasn't cold at all. He was just less warm than he had been when he had fallen asleep with her warm body pressed against his. Still in a drowsy stupor, Ian tried to rise and nearly tripped over his own feet. He tried again with better results. Upon seeing the dim light starting to appear above him on the ceiling, he couldn't help but curse. Dawn was on its way, which meant it had been hours since he had last seen her. There was nothing left to consider or think about. In a second, Ian was flying out into the hallway and down the long corridor, fear twisting his stomach at what he might find in the hospital cave.

In the shortest time it had ever taken him to reach Doc's from his room, Ian was sprinting into view of the cave with the worst sense of dread. As he got nearer, however, his heart nearly stopped in relief. Wanda! He thought shouted. He could hear her. And...was that Jared? The usual jealousy didn't send a shocking pain through his heart this time. He could only be relieved to realize he had overreacted. He slowed, putting his hands on his hips to catch his breath and unwind, so she wouldn't be alarmed when she saw him. This gave him time to begin to interpret the words behind the voices. "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie..." She was repeating over and over in a tender tone. She had been crying, he realized. His heart did clench in pain this time to know she was in pain. But why, he thought... A rush of adrenaline coursed through his body and he began to sprint once again towards the entry. His footsteps echoed loudly and, though those inside the cave continued to make their laughing and crying noises, he knew they could hear him. He burst into the room, out of breath and, he knew, with a look of utmost horror and pain.

He was nearly tricked into being relieved again when he saw her where she was, but when he met her eyes, he knew. Wanda seemed convinced still that he couldn't love her the way Jared loved Melanie. He couldn't seem to convince her that she was wrong, that he'd never known anyone quite like her, could never love anyone again the way he loved her. For it was she he loved. Not Melanie. Not Melanie's body. He knew her now better than anyone. And even though he didn't know what she looked like in her true form, he knew now he could pick her out in one human face among a million. It took him less than a split second to realize, though not accept, far from accept, that it was not Wanda's eyes he looked into this time. Whoever this was, whoever had the same arms around Jared and Jamie now that had surrounded him earlier, whoever she was, he did not know. He had never met her.

His voice broke weakly when he spoke. "Wanda?"

It was in vain, he knew. Still, at the same time, it couldn't be true. All the hopes and dreams he'd begun to rebuild since she came into his life could not come crumbling into dust around his feet within a few fateful hours of sleep. He wanted to throw himself onto the ground like a child. How stupid he had been. To sleep. Who needed sleep when love and life were so much more important? He saw Melanie's eyes being to water. He saw the sadness and the pain and the regret, but he did not register them. Because all he could think about was what he had just lost. He had seen a soul before, had held one in his hands, but he could not wrap his head around the fact that Wanda was that size. That something so 

small could encompass someone so big-hearted and lovely and amazing. It couldn't, _shouldn't_ be that easy to take someone's life away. Not someone who's life was so big.

Had Ian been a weaker man, he would have fell to his knees, to his face where he stood and cried until he was sobbing, sobbed until he was keening, keened until he lost his voice. He would have begun to mourn for his greatest loss of all. Had he been a more foolish man, he might have created a ruckus, thrown a temper tantrum the likes of which even Kyle himself had never thrown before. He would have broken everything in his sight, including Jared, for he had to have been in on it. Or he wouldn't be there now. He didn't care about Wanda the way Ian did, the way Wanda cared for Jared, the way Jared cared for Melanie. Had he been a foolish man, the caves would have no hospital left in the world to go to. But Ian was not weak, and he was far from foolish.

Through clenched teeth, he spoke. Maybe to contain his pain, maybe his anger, maybe his fear. All he knew was that at that moment, it was the only way he _could_ speak. "Where is she?"

Jared and Jamie, it seemed, had not heard Ian's approach, for they both, in Melanie's arms, jumped at least a foot. They turned within what Ian knew to be a warm embrace to look at him in surprise and...was that guilt on Jared's face? It didn't matter. Ian ignored him, kept staring into Melanie's quickly widening eyes as if she was only now beginning to realize something.

She tore her gaze from his, grasped Jared's chin in her hand and pulled his face up to look at him. "Where's Doc, Jared?" Her tone was desperate. It seemed to match the way Ian felt, but he scoffed internally at the idea. She did not, could not love Wanda as much as he did. Just as quickly as these thoughts came into his mind, though, he dismissed them. Only one thing mattered, and he was still waiting to hear it.

It was Jamie, however, who spoke. His voice was choked with happiness. He did not seem to completely understand what was happening. Ian knew he loved Wanda too. But he didn't understand that he was losing a friend to get his sister back. "I saw him on my way here. He was going towards the outside, I think. He was carrying one of those silver things," He pointed towards the row of cryotanks against the wall. A second later, understanding brightened his gaze. "Hey, was that Wanda?" Ian's head snapped towards him at the sound of her name. Doc. Outside. Wanda.

Melanie spoke, however, before he could even begin to turn. "Jared!" She exclaimed. "Wanda. She lied. Doc." As he watched Jared stare deep into Melanie's eyes, he saw Jared's look of confusion slowly turn into understanding. He captured Melanie's lips in one hard kiss and then leaped off her to sprint towards the door, towards Ian.

"What-?" Ian began in desperation.

"No time." Jared panted as he raced past him. "Come on." The last two words were needless, for Ian was already keeping pace with him. They flew down the hallway, through the main plaza and then down a most familiar hallway. Towards Wanda's prison. "Check the exit," Jared panted before adding, "Doc."

Ian's speed picked up, as they separated. Ian ran towards their exit to the outside world, and Jared continued on his path toward the round cave. All Ian could hear now was his footsteps echoed off the walls, his heavy breathing. After a few minutes, he saw the slit in the rocks ahead. He slowed as he approached, surveying the area. No one. He crouched and crawled through the opening, keeping his head down until he was outside, the sun nearly blinding him. He rushed out, continually searching. No one. No one. No one. There was no one. Ian put his head in his hands, grasped his hair with his fingers. No one. Had there ever been anyone?

For one blissful time in his life, he had not been alone. There had been someone there he knew better than himself, who knew and understood him better than anyone. She had been perfect. An angel. And now she was gone. And he was alone. Again.


	3. Three Part Heart

His lips still burned with Melanie's kiss as he raced down the tunnel. It had taken a lot of control for Jared to leave her side so quickly after getting her back, but he knew this was important. Not only to everyone in the caves and Melanie but also to him. Melanie was his world, the only world he knew, the only world he wanted to know, but in the time she'd been with them, Jared had grown to care for Wanda too, and he couldn't let her slip away this easily. He just hoped he wasn't too late...

He wasn't sure what it was he might be too late for. He hadn't stayed in the cave with Melanie long enough to find out, but he knew it wasn't in any way good. Thinking of the possibilities, he quickened his pace, and the wind began to rush through his hair, lifting it and airing his skin. He remembered the murderous look in Ian's eyes as he stared at him from the doorway. Not for a moment could he judge the man for the intent behind the look because he understood how he felt completely. Losing Melanie had introduced him to a darker part of himself he had never known before. A side of him that wouldn't hesitate to do whatever it took to get back what he cherished most. A side of him that did not know what it was to be human. So, yes, he understood what Ian was going through. Still, not wanting to be on the end of it, he wished the anger could be directed towards someone more deserving of it. Though Jared had known part of Wanda's plan and hadn't told Ian anything, he hadn't known _all_ of it, so he couldn't be blamed for everything completely.

His train of thought trailed off and nearly disappeared when he saw the familiar blue glow from the cave ahead. Wanda's prison. Mel's. Jared winced at the memory of how the both of them had been treated upon their initial arrival. The memory went quickly away as well, though, so Jared could concentrate on the present and the problem at hand. A ragged sob erupted from within the round cave. Jared's heart beat quickly now with a despairing impatience. He crouched and peered into the cave where Doc sat in an awkward position against the curved wall. Tears were pouring uncontrollably down the man's face. The blue lamp sat on its side rolling from side to side never able to settle in one place on the curved floor. A silver cryotank rested carelessly in Doc's lap. But Jared's eyes were drawn to the glint of silver in Doc's hands he'd first seen when approaching the cave.

"No!" Jared yelled, his voice hoarse. An echo of his despair travelled back down the way he'd come. They would hear the grief in it before they could even begin to understand why he felt it. He tumbled clumsily into the cave. "What are you doing, Doc?" He couldn't feel anger because he couldn't comprehend exactly what was going on.

The other man had not seen Jared until his shout, but his eyes were now riveted sorrowfully on Jared's. His sobs grew louder and his face twisted with the kind of pain that is a million times worse than any kind of physical pain ever experienced. "Wanda- She- This is what- She- Wanted-" His voice broke painfully every time he tried to string coherent words of grief together.

"No, Doc. No." Jared kept saying, crawling carefully towards the grieving man, not wanting to hurt the soul in the man's hands in any way. With shaking hands, Jared took the cryotank gently and turned it upright in his hands. It hissed open when he pushed the button. "Put her in, Doc. Come on. Put her in."

Doc's eyes roamed the cave in uncertainty, never resting too long on Jared's. "No. She didn't- She didn't want-" Jared ignored him and clasped the cryotank between his knees. He reached forward and picked Wanda up as gracefully as he could by cupping her in his large hands, wincing every time he thought he might be hurting her or would drop her. Doc didn't react, only watched the ritual in fascination, as if something should be happening to stop Jared's actions, something that didn't have to do with him. He poured the soul into the tank as gently as he could. It hissed shut quietly, but remnants of silver blood remained on his fingertips. Looking at Doc, he saw similar flecks of silver marking his hands.

His voice quavered when he spoke. "Will she be okay?" He tried to clear his throat but couldn't. "I mean...it's not too late, is it?"

Doc blinked through tears at Jared and a confused pain registered once more on his face. "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know." He muttered before dropping his face heavily into his hands. "Oh, what have I done? What have I done? She didn't want..." He trailed off softly, continuing to mutter to himself incoherently.

Jared swallowed and looked down at the cryotank resting heavily in his hands. Its actual weight was not much. He was sure a small child could carry it a long distance without tiring, but the weight of what it meant there on his own soul seemed almost too much to bear. So many things could have gone wrong. So many. If it was too late... He didn't want to, couldn't bear, to think of that possibility. A moment later as he sat back on his feet, Jared finally felt the water on his face. He put one hand to his cheek, keeping a strong hold on the tank with the other. He pulled his hand back to see it wet. He put his hand to his eyes and finally understood. He was crying. A subtle pain pulled tightly at him from within his chest, and he found it hard to breathe for a moment. His body shook with dry, unheard sobs for a few moments. He did not fully understand why he was being affected this way.

Unable to look again at Doc, afraid to see a reflection of himself, Jared backed away and pulled himself back out into the tunnel. He clutched the cool cryotank to his chest and strode back up the hallway. The sound of a choked sob reached his ears and he swung around looking for Doc. No one was there. When another sob broke from his chest, Jared realized it was he who it was coming from. He leaned tiredly against the wall in the dark and wiped the tears and sweat off his face with his sleeve. He was grieving, and he didn't even realize it. He was too stubborn a person to accept that he could grieve for the possible loss of someone he had hated so recently. There was no confusing, now, the sharp pain emanating from his chest. It had hurt him more than he realized to lose Wanda. In the short time he had actually trusted her, she had become a friend. Melanie's presence within her had made it possible for him to befriend and trust someone other than the only other two people in the world he really and truly trusted with every fiber of his being. Melanie and Jamie. They were his family. His only family. Or they used to be. It seemed that unbeknownst to himself, unbeknownst to Wanda, unbeknownst to everyone, Wanda had found a place in the part of his heart he kept reserved for only those he would die for. That part was now separated into three, whereas before it had been only in two.

He looked down at the silver tank now cradled tenderly in his arms and had the sudden urge to talk to her even though he knew she couldn't hear him, might never be able to again. He wanted to shout or to whisper, he wasn't sure. He wanted to ask how she did it so quietly, in such a way that he couldn't detect how deeply he cared until it was too late. As it always is with those we love the most. You can't stop from loving someone so much your heart would break to lose them, and you usually don't realize it until it's too late to avoid it. Because by the time you realize it, you don't want to avoid it. You embrace the love with your entire soul. Jared felt a short spark of anger run through him. He wished she'd never found her way in. If he didn't care so much, he wouldn't feel like he was losing a part of himself. The anger was short-lived, though, and he lifted the cryotank gently to his face and pressed his warm lips against its cool surface.

"Wanda," he whispered to it. "Before, I wasn't lying completely. I do love you. And I will do everything in my power to get you back." Hugging the tank to his body, he composed himself and then continued to stride down the hallway. At the fork, he didn't see Ian and, wondering if he had gone back towards the plaza, he headed in that direction. He heard the echoing of voices before the light appeared. Finally, he emerged into the crowded plaza where many were gathered, having heard the noise he'd made earlier.

He took a moment to observe their expressions. What was everyone thinking? He passed over Maggie and Sharon quickly, the triumph in their eyes as they eyed the tank in his arms making his stomach turn. For once, Jeb was quiet. The knowing expression was still there, though his eyes were hard as they watched Jared. With a shock, Jared's eyes found Melanie's. They were rimmed with red and tired. It was strange to see them without the flash of silver and, for one quick moment, Jared felt another sharp pang in his chest. It was, however, short-lived. As much as he missed Wanda, he was too happy for words to have Melanie back. There was despair there too. She wanted to know as desperately as he did whether there was a chance. Jared's eyes traveled down Melanie's arm to her hand that Jamie clutched. But the child's eyes were, like everyone else's, on the tank. There was despair there as well, but more confusion than that, and Jared knew exactly how he felt and pitied the boy more than anyone else in the room. Yes, he knew exactly how he felt. Was it possible to be happy and miserable at the same time for getting your sister back but losing another? Who should you want with you more? What can be done to get them both? Life wasn't fair, but with all the miseries in store for them already, couldn't there be one shred of happiness living in those you loved?

Jared felt a lone tear slide down his face. Somehow, this one was more for Jamie than Wanda, than for anyone else. How did you deal with something so complicated and confusing as that? He would have to ask Jamie if he ever found a way because, at the moment, Jared was having the same dilemma.


End file.
